One of life’s great paradoxes is that the things that annoy us about others are often things we dislike about ourselves. The distance we create when we judge someone colours our perspective, preventing us from seeing the good in others or situations, limits our own reflection and growth, and eventually erodes our health.
I enjoyed this quick blog post about irritation in relationships by Sheryl Paul; it’s got some practical tips to help a person look inward and reframe the situation for greater enjoyment and ease. The one that resonated most is about insecurity and fear, and how that disguises itself cleverly as disapproval about others’ behaviours and quirks. This is a big one for me which is ironic considering I am a coach and have dedicated my life to helping people achieve their goals.
In coaching, one of our tools is naming your inner critic, or saboteur, who is a manifestation of the part of your brain responsible for the “fight or flight” response (it’s called the Amygdala). Your Amygdala is essentially overactive and looks for reasons to be scared, about 5 – 7 times per second with the default response being that something is a threat. So a real gift you can give yourself is to recognize the judgment as an opportunity to ask yourself what might be triggering fear inside you, and to recognize your saboteur’s attempt at protecting you.
When you are able to appreciate yourself, others, and your life, it lowers the walls around you and allows you to develop more authentic relationships. In the end, it’ll be those relationships that define you.
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Adaptive Talent is a talent consultancy designed to help organizations achieve amazing results and ongoing adaptability. Founded in 2008 and based in Vancouver, Canada we offer retained search, assessments, total rewards consulting, training, leadership coaching and development programs, and culture & organizational development consulting.