When was the last time you spent time reflecting on the quality of your relationships?

At a very high level, engaging with others is a balance between transactions and emotions.  When I coach people, I ask them if they’re having transactions with people or relationships. I’m looking for (a) awareness and (b) intention: specifically, are people conscious of the tone of their relationships with others and are they truly intending to act that way with the other person.

 

When you engage in a transaction with a person it’s because you want something from them and it’s obvious to that person. When you have a true relationship, it may or may not involve a focus on achieving something but it’s apparent that you care about each other.  Your investment in the relationship can take the form of a visit to see how she’s doing, or a call to ask for an update on an issue of importance to the person, or a note simply to share a laugh. It’s authentic because you really care and not because you need something from her. The challenge with relationships is that people can drift and find themselves, and the relationship, suddenly in an unintended place.

 

In the workplace, they key for effective leaders is to ensure that your list of accomplishments doesn’t come at the price of your relationships. This is the proverbial “bull in a china shop” and will always come to haunt you later. People want, need, and deserve to have a balance at work between results and relationships, and every successful leader focuses on an equal balance across both factors. People need to feel an emotional connection with their managers and coworkers; they need to trust them, to feel valued, and to feel that they have something to give the other person as well.

 

Your life outside of work is equally important and the same trade-off between transactions and relationship quality still applies. Are you interacting with your teenager to get him to do his chores, or to truly listen to his perspective and support his growth? So during the holiday slowdown, take a few moments and think about the relationships in your life.
  • Are your relationships where you’d like them to be?
  • Are you satisfied with your contributions to that relationship?
  • How does the other person feel about your relationship? How would you know?
  • How would others characterize you across the range of your relationships?
  • What do you want your legacy to be for others and is your behaviour supporting that goal?

 

The holiday movie “A Wonderful Life” does a great job of showing the power of investing in relationships and understanding how your choices impact others.

 

Adaptive Talent’s executive / leadership coaching and development programs, training on “The Art of Conscious and Skillful Conversations” and “Coaching and Mentoring Skills for Team Leads and Managers“, and/or our culture and organizational development consulting can help you and your leaders transform your relationships and organizational culture and boost adaptability which is more important than ever.
Happy holidays.